Objections
by SnowboundMermaid
Summary: In a season six AU, Robin is the only one saying "I do" at Barney and Nora's wedding.


Title: Objections

Summary: In a season six AU, Robin is the only one saying "I do" at Barney and Nora's wedding.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything vaguely related to HIMYM. This is my own what-if imagining.

I stood up. Oh God, I stood up. The officiant asked if

there was any reason why Barney and Nora should not be

married and I stood. I'm the only person who's going to say

"I do" at Barney's wedding, but the words come out of my

mouth all on their own. Heads turn in my direction like a

wind swept through the church. Ted taps Barney on the

shoulder and Barney turns around. He mouths my name and all

I can do is look at him because I have never wanted a

teleprompter more in my life.

"What the hell, Barney?" is the first thing I come out

with, followed by "Sorry, Father," but once I started, I

couldn't stop. "You're not ready for this. Neither of you

are. You don't know each other. If you're going to commit

to something, commit to something real. Something you know

is going to last for the rest of your lives, because that's

what this is. Marriage isn't a one night stand you can slip

out of while the other person's in the shower. If this is

what you want, what you really, really want," I pause here,

and we share the briefest flash of a smile. I know we're

both thinking about the Spice Girls song even though it's

entirely inappropriate, but it's us and that's what we do.

Everybody is quiet, and I feel every eye in the place on

me, but Barney's most of all. The officiant stares at me,

hard. Nora's parents stare at me harder. Lily moves

forward, but Marshall holds her back. Ted's eyebrows pinch,

like he's trying to start some silent conversation. I'm not

listening. All I can see is Barney and that look on his

face I've never seen before. I can't stop.

"If you really, truly want to marry Nora, then that's what

I want for you and you should finish the ceremony and start

your lives. If it isn't, this is going to kill you and that

would kill me. It would kill all of us to see you give your

heart to someone who isn't right for you. If what you guys

have is real, then it will still be there next year, next

decade. Even tomorrow, but, um," I pause, and all of a

sudden I don't have any more words. "That's it," I finish,

and since I don't know what else to do, I sit down.

It's even quieter. The officiant leans in toward Barney and

Nora and says something nobody else can hear. Then he opens

a door at the rear of the altar and Barney and Nora follow

him through it. It's quieter still. Lily tells me later

that everybody was talking, but I only remember a silence

so loud I was willing to abandon my shoes and climb over a

whole pew full of strangers to get out of the church.

The officiant comes out, alone and whispers something to

Ted. If there's ever a perfect moment for me to make my

exit, this is it, when all eyes are on him. It's Ted's

voice that stops me. "Barney and Nora want to thank

everybody for coming to celebrate with them, but they need

to discuss some things, so we're not going to have a

ceremony today. They'd like everybody to please enjoy the

reception."

I know there's more, directions and mention of an open bar,

and normally I'd be all for that but right now, all I can

think of is that this is the second ex's wedding I've been

at and the second one that didn't happen. There could be a

story in that and even as I'm pushing past other guests

making their way to the exit, part of me is making notes

for the idea that's forming in the back of my mind. When

weddings go bust; I can do something with that. This one,

though, I want to get as far away from, as soon as

possible.

I step out of my shoes and carry them, abandoning the walk

out front for the path that curves around back. There's a

marble bench near the old churchyard and I drop down onto

that. Footsteps crunch the gravel on the path. Lily, I

think, but the footsteps are more solid. Probably Ted, and

I shake my head at the thought of one ex consoling me at

another ex's wedding.

"Is this seat taken?" The voice isn't Ted's.

I look up. It's Barney. "Shouldn't you be with Nora? Ted

said you guys had to talk."

"Yeah, short conversation," he says as he sits down next to

me. "I told Nora you were right and she agreed. We're not

getting married. She's going on the honeymoon with her

mother and I have the weekend to get my stuff out of the

apartment."

"I'm sorry."

Barney takes the flower from his lapel and twirls it

between his fingers. "Don't be. Most of what you said was

right on the money."

"Most of it?"

He lets out a long breath. "I do know Nora. She's all the

things that are great about you, without the parts that

make me crazy."

"Hey."

"Chill, Sherbatsky. I'm not finished. The parts that make

me crazy are the parts I love the most. I want the crazy. I

need the crazy. Now, tomorrow, forever." He stops there,

and drops to one knee, holding out the single red rosebud.

"That's what was missing. All that stuff I told Nora I

wanted, I do, but not with her. With you. Robin Charles

Sherbatsky, Junior, will you, after a socially acceptable

interval of time, marry me?"

I blink. I bite the inside of my cheek. I check the flask

in my purse to make sure it's still full and I didn't chug

the whole thing in the vestibule. Nope. This is real.

"You're an idiot. You can't propose to me on the same day

you were going to marry Nora."

Barney's mouth twitches, that flash of a smile that I know

is still going to melt my knees when I'm eighty. "Challenge

accepted."


End file.
